Tales of the Faithful -- The Mark of Hilfy
And it came to pass that the Mom and the Dad didst go again unto Boston, and did leave the Faithful alone, forsaken, and without protection while devils from on high did bring forth the Plague of Unbecoming Wetness into the room of cushy chairs, warm radiators, and plentiful laps. And the Faithful cried, one unto another; "Woe!" cried they them, and also "What the FUCK, monkeys?" and "WHATWASTHATNOISE?" And they gnashed their teeth, and tore each others hairs, and hid mightily under the bed whilst the Angels of the Parents' Friends did cause the foul waters to abate.
And when the Mom and the Dad returned once again unto the Promised land, the Rites of Shunning were foregone in favour of lap, squishy food, and head-scritchies. And all the Faithful rejoiced in their deliverance from the bedroom, where everyone had to share things, and greatly rejoiced they them.
But their trials were not yet ended. For the Mom and the Dad did cause the favorite chairs to be moved from the Warm Room, and soon after, likewise the tables and lamps, the Radiator Covers of Toastiness, and yea, even the Tree of the Scratching and Watching the Outside was taken from the room. And the Faithful did wonder, and worry at these signs, searching for the toy collection in vain, calling their prayers into the echoing vastness of space, and spraying in secret when the Mom and the Dad might least likely be ready to catch and rub noses.
And then there came earthquakes! Yea, and demons of crashing, and yucky dust! And the Faithful did remove themselves to the safety of the bedroom once more, except for Brother Mithril, and Sister Sirocco, who did Supervise. And though each night drove the demons of loudness and funny smells from the Promised Room, each morning brought the plague's return. And the Faithful did cry Woe, and did demand extra laps and cuddles to make up for the disruption.
Then came the Fateful Day when the Mom did commence to wash the desert dust from the floor, and the Faithful did marvel at her command of the Icky Wetness, and did sniff, and flick their tails, and did track little white footprints across the cleanliness, lest their Mom should forget how imminently Helpful they could be. And the Mom did sigh, and did mop the floor again, and did most strenuously, and frequently chase the Godric and the Sirocco both from the drinking of the Mop Water.
Then with the next day, it pleased the Mom and the Dad to visit the plague of New Paint upon the promised room. Canvas, laid they down, yea, and butcher paper also. The Demon of the loudly sucking horrors, tamed they to gather up all the gritty, powdery stuff in which the Faithful so loved to roll, and with strange alchemy, did bring potions on long sticks to cover the walls all over again. It was all quite strange.
And Sister Hilfy did look upon the goings-on with concern, for she was a Helpful beast, and the proceedings seemed Fraught With Danger. "Those potions smell like unto piss," thought she, and "I see Godric lurking around the corner, and I think me he is waiting only for his moment to add his own stink to the miasmic curse!" And lo, the Godric was peeking fearfully in the door, awed and intimidated by the goings on, and the lack of anything he could drink in his ignorance.
But then did the Demon of the Scaffolding leap out suddenly, with a clattering, and a rolling slowly from one corner unto another, and its shadow fell long and dreadful across the Hilfy's back, and she did know -- even to the last stripe upon her tail, -- that Certain Doom was upon her. And knowing this, did she flee with all speed...
Straight through the green paint tray.
And the Mom did cry with a thundering voice. "Hilf- no- Dammit!" Cried the Mom, and also, "Where's a fucking towel?!"
And the Dad, who was pushing the scaffolding, did wonder at the commotion, until he was informed of His Cat's errors. And being a just, and wise Dad, he shut his mouth, and found the Mom a towel.
But it was too late. The foul alchemy of the Paint Tray had left its green-toed mark along every step up the front stairs, yea, and partway unto the bedroom, but then turning back into the Temple of the Dad, and across into the Temple of the Mom, whence the Soft, Fluffy, Favorite Carpet did begin, and only THEN was the foul concoction wiped free of the Hilfy-toes.
And the Mom did declare "Y'know what? Fuckit. And did go back to painting, leaving the Mark of Hilfy as a warning unto the other Faithful that the Alchemy of the Painting Trays was not to be trifled with.
And Dad drank of the Tequila and Grapefruit soda, and said Nothing.
And when the Mom and the Dad returned once again unto the Promised land, the Rites of Shunning were foregone in favour of lap, squishy food, and head-scritchies. And all the Faithful rejoiced in their deliverance from the bedroom, where everyone had to share things, and greatly rejoiced they them.
But their trials were not yet ended. For the Mom and the Dad did cause the favorite chairs to be moved from the Warm Room, and soon after, likewise the tables and lamps, the Radiator Covers of Toastiness, and yea, even the Tree of the Scratching and Watching the Outside was taken from the room. And the Faithful did wonder, and worry at these signs, searching for the toy collection in vain, calling their prayers into the echoing vastness of space, and spraying in secret when the Mom and the Dad might least likely be ready to catch and rub noses.
And then there came earthquakes! Yea, and demons of crashing, and yucky dust! And the Faithful did remove themselves to the safety of the bedroom once more, except for Brother Mithril, and Sister Sirocco, who did Supervise. And though each night drove the demons of loudness and funny smells from the Promised Room, each morning brought the plague's return. And the Faithful did cry Woe, and did demand extra laps and cuddles to make up for the disruption.
Then came the Fateful Day when the Mom did commence to wash the desert dust from the floor, and the Faithful did marvel at her command of the Icky Wetness, and did sniff, and flick their tails, and did track little white footprints across the cleanliness, lest their Mom should forget how imminently Helpful they could be. And the Mom did sigh, and did mop the floor again, and did most strenuously, and frequently chase the Godric and the Sirocco both from the drinking of the Mop Water.
Then with the next day, it pleased the Mom and the Dad to visit the plague of New Paint upon the promised room. Canvas, laid they down, yea, and butcher paper also. The Demon of the loudly sucking horrors, tamed they to gather up all the gritty, powdery stuff in which the Faithful so loved to roll, and with strange alchemy, did bring potions on long sticks to cover the walls all over again. It was all quite strange.
And Sister Hilfy did look upon the goings-on with concern, for she was a Helpful beast, and the proceedings seemed Fraught With Danger. "Those potions smell like unto piss," thought she, and "I see Godric lurking around the corner, and I think me he is waiting only for his moment to add his own stink to the miasmic curse!" And lo, the Godric was peeking fearfully in the door, awed and intimidated by the goings on, and the lack of anything he could drink in his ignorance.
But then did the Demon of the Scaffolding leap out suddenly, with a clattering, and a rolling slowly from one corner unto another, and its shadow fell long and dreadful across the Hilfy's back, and she did know -- even to the last stripe upon her tail, -- that Certain Doom was upon her. And knowing this, did she flee with all speed...
Straight through the green paint tray.
And the Mom did cry with a thundering voice. "Hilf- no- Dammit!" Cried the Mom, and also, "Where's a fucking towel?!"
And the Dad, who was pushing the scaffolding, did wonder at the commotion, until he was informed of His Cat's errors. And being a just, and wise Dad, he shut his mouth, and found the Mom a towel.
But it was too late. The foul alchemy of the Paint Tray had left its green-toed mark along every step up the front stairs, yea, and partway unto the bedroom, but then turning back into the Temple of the Dad, and across into the Temple of the Mom, whence the Soft, Fluffy, Favorite Carpet did begin, and only THEN was the foul concoction wiped free of the Hilfy-toes.
And the Mom did declare "Y'know what? Fuckit. And did go back to painting, leaving the Mark of Hilfy as a warning unto the other Faithful that the Alchemy of the Painting Trays was not to be trifled with.
And Dad drank of the Tequila and Grapefruit soda, and said Nothing.